Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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