I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
