Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
