somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
