You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
