I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
