Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
