May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
