Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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