Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
