so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
