grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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