We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
