I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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