Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
