we're blogging at a bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
