So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
