It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
