my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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