i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
