i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
