Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
