Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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