On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
