Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
