I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
