My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
