I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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