I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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