Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
