the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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