Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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