Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
