It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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