so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
