cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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