I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
