From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
