Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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