so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
