Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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