matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
