the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
