Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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