wakey wakey hands off snakey
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
