so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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