Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
