yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
