By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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