just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
