I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I still have a little drunk in my system
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
